Ice Cream Sessions

Big 3-Oh Thoughts (or What I Learned From My 20s)

2012-01-26T10:11:00.001+08:00

What I like about turning 30 is that I'm starting to let go of the neurotic urge to be liked by everyone. More and more, I am finding my voice and I speak my mind with more conviction. I have grown comfortable in my own skin and I know what fits, what looks good, what makes me glow.

I remember being angsty as a kid, not in an angry, screw-you-world kind of way but in an existential crisis kind of way - always searching, always asking : Who am I? Where am I going? I seemed to be in a constant state of identity crisis from the time I was 14 until all the way through my early to mid-20s.

I owe a lot to my 20's. I think it is my experiences as a twenty-something that have shaped most of who I am today. I played that decade with a bit of recklessness and lowered inhibitions especially when it came to men I was attracted to. (The 'a bit' part may be subject to debate, but I digress.) Three jobs in eight years have led me to places and people and have cosmically steered me to certain directions, both professional and personal. I developed wanderlust as I took quite a number of trips in and out of the country and saw for myself how truly awesome the world is. It was in my 20's when I learned to like my looks and get over certain physical insecurities. I stretched my body, mind and soul as I explored surfing, scuba diving, running, mountain biking, yoga - which eventually led me to consciously pursue physical fitness. I said goodbye to cigarettes forever a few months shy of my 30th birthday. In my 20's I learned that life is a cycle of introspection and action. I learned that there is a time to love, to lose, to gain, to give away, to grieve, to surrender, to accept, to speak up, to be silent, to move, to be still.

It's not only the experiences which have molded me, but the people who make up my circle of support and unconditional love - namely, my family and my core group of fantastic female friends. This journey is a joy because of them.

Needless to say, one of the greatest gifts of my 20's is meeting G.A. It's funny how you're fine and fabulous one day, and then one person comes along and suddenly, you can't imagine life without him. He is my partner, my riding buddy and coach, my confidante, my comic relief, my breathing space, and my best friend.

Turning 30 does feel like a milestone. It's not the age, per se, that makes it so, but the celebration of a decade that has crystallized my identity as an adult. Not to say that I have it all figured out. The wisdom I've gained from my 20's is that I don't need to know all the answers. But from here I can see the dots of my life connecting and that it is still unfolding. It's going to be beautiful. It already is.

Retroblog | What I Wrote On This Day in 2009

2012-01-18T10:42:00.001+08:00

Sunday, January 18, 2009

What It Means To Be A Grown Up

It means knowing the difference between self-indulgence and self-love.
It means knowing that sometimes you have to deny yourself fleeting pleasures and delay gratification...because a loftier joy awaits.
It means knowing when to say 'No'.
It doesn't mean being all square and stuffy.
It doesn't mean forgetting how to make things fun.

Still holds true for me today. :)

Creativity Challenge Day 30 | In With the New

2012-01-08T22:23:00.000+08:00

I want to hit the ground running this year!

The final post for the 30-Day Creativity Challenge. My first post for the year. :)

Wrapping up The Challenge

Doing the Challenge was FUN! So yeah, it wasn't done in 30 consecutive days like I originally intended, but it has been completed.:) I think I'm gonna keep posting drawings on my blog - as long as the inspiration comes.

Wrapping up The Year That Was

The ushering of a new year calls for retrospection. 2011 was the year I...

Celebrated my 29th birthday in Batad with my kindred spirits and soul sisters.

Ran my first full marathon.

Saw a little bit more of the world with G-third as we walked the streets of Ho Chi Minh, marveled at the temples of Siem Reap and hung out at the backpacker district of Bangkok.

Joined the XTERRA Duathlon with my best friend W, and had an unfortunate bike breakdown

Learned something new : art lessons and yoga. (Both of which I intend to pursue still)

Kicked an unhealthy habit, finally : goodbye cigarettes

Rode Becky on the trails of La Mesa, Maarat and Kota Kinabalu

Struggled and wrestled with expectations, judgements and inner demons and came out enlightened through heartfelt conversations and quiet reflection.

~ ~ ~

This Year...

I pray for wisdom, courage, serenity, patience, kindness and temperance.

I will continue to listen to the stirrings of my soul, sing to the tune of my heartsong and march to my own drumbeat.

I will declutter (my space, my mind, my heart) and keep things simple.

~~~

Two virtues I will strive to live by..

Corragio et Amore.

Creativity Challenge Day 29 | Lessons from (Falling Off) My Bike

2011-12-28T23:54:00.000+08:00

With the hurtin' comes the learnin'.

Creativity Challenge Day 28 | Oh, The Possibilities Ahead!

2011-12-14T01:36:00.000+08:00

Life is a highway

I wanna ride it all night long

If you're going my way

I wanna drive it all night long

Rascal Flatts

Creativity Challenge Day 27 | Tambay

2011-12-06T23:43:00.001+08:00

The sun, sand and sea and a handful of my favorite people = Bliss. :)

Creativity Challenge Day 26 | Treasures

2011-12-06T01:29:00.001+08:00

One cannot collect all the beautiful shells on the beach.

One can only collect a few, and they are more beautiful if they are few.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Creativity Challenge Day 25 | Happiness on Two Wheels # 2

2011-11-25T00:28:00.001+08:00

Nothing compares to the simple pleasure of a bike ride.

~John F. Kennedy

Creativity Challenge Day 24 | The Body's Song

2011-11-22T01:29:00.001+08:00

The Creativity Challenge resumes after 10 post-free days.

It is such a relief to get a bit of breathing space in.:)

There is a bit of insanity in dancing that does everybody a great deal of good.

Edwin Denby

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance.

Author Unknown

Creativity Challenge Day 23 | Don't Mess With This Chick (Or So She Says)

2011-11-11T00:13:00.001+08:00

Deep down, she's all mush.

But don't tell anyone - she'll kick your ass.

Creativity Challenge Day 22 | Starry Night

2011-11-09T23:12:00.000+08:00

*Crickets*

Creativity Challenge Day 21 | Daily Doodle ~ Yoga-ga

2011-11-08T23:01:00.000+08:00

Maybe it's the novelty of doing something new, or my fascination with the wonder that is the human body, or the rush of endorphins after a session of core-crunching poses, or the fact that my favorite people are just couple of mats away from mine.

I really like doing asanas on Saturday mornings. Namaste. :)

Creativity Challenge Day 20 | One Sunny Day

2011-11-07T08:27:00.000+08:00

Eyes meet,

Minds meld,

Hearts beat,

Hands touch,

Souls mate.

And you are never the same.

Creativity Challenge Day 19 | The Heel Thing / On Acting Like A Heel

2011-11-04T14:08:00.000+08:00

Heels are a petite girl's best friend. The high heel, when worn well, has a way of emphasizing your rump, straightening your back and making you walk gracefully. More than altitude, the added height must come with a bit of an attitude. Otherwise, I'm just a little girl on stilts.

* * *

Today, I am ashamed to admit that I fed the cycle of negativity at work with my words and my thoughts. And while there was a sick kind of satisfaction at that moment to speak viciously about another, at the end of the day, I felt completely drained and devoid of energy. How dare I speak ill of another? Based on what? The murmurings of a disgruntled co-worker? I don't know the whole story. Things are never what they seem.

From hereon, I solemnly swear to guard my mind, my tongue and my heart. So help me God.

Creativity Challenge Day 18 | Things I Do That Are Good for My Heart

2011-11-02T22:34:00.000+08:00

LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE

LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE
LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE
LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE
LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE
LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE
LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE
LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE
LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE
LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE
LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE

LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE.YOGA.LOVE.RUN.BIKE

Creativity Challenge Day 17 | Food for the Soul

2011-11-02T00:42:00.000+08:00

It's been awhile since I put my headphones on and just listened to music just for listening's sake, and not just as a soundtrack for my tasks.

Today I will listen to music I love - and not do anything else - and let it feed my soul.♥

Creativity Challenge Day 16 | Daily Doodles + Random Thoughts # 2

2011-10-28T00:19:00.000+08:00

Everything and everyone, it seems, is on constant crunchtime mode.
What's the rush?

In our hurried and harried state, we often forget to breathe.

These days, I'm learning to balance the notion of life being short

and allowing worthwhile pursuits to take the time to blossom and bloom.

The best thing to do would be to be truly present and engaged in every moment

- because essentially that's all we really have.

The past is done, the future is uncertain.

What matters is the present.

The challenge is to make the present matter.

Creativity Challenge Day 15 | Daily Doodles # 1

2011-10-27T00:13:00.000+08:00

I like getting dolled up on most days, but on some days, its just nice to kick back in shorts and a t-shirt. :)

Creativity Challenge Day 14 | My Favorite Things # 8

2011-10-24T22:46:00.000+08:00

# 8

A GOOD BOOK

The more you read, the more things you will know.
The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.
^{(Dr. Seuss)}

^{My favorite books of all-time : 1. Stardust (Neil Gaiman) , 2. Coraline ( Neil Gaiman), 3. Eat Pray Love (Elizabeth Gilbert), 4. Neverwhere (Neil Gaiman), 5. The Solitaire Mystery (Jostein Gardner)}

^{They all have a resonating theme - the antagonist is a restless soul in search of Something, and as they go on their personal quests, they stumble upon awesome adventures that purify and transform them and make them better - enlightened, wiser, more joyful. It is the journey that molds them and that Something which they sought turns up in unexpected ways.}

^{Books take you places when you have to stay where you are. I think it's about time I went on an adventure - I'm getting myself a good book this week.}

Creativity Challenge Day 13 | My Favorite Things # 7

2011-10-20T21:54:00.000+08:00

MY MORNING COFFEE

Behind every successful woman...is a substantial amount of coffee. ~ Stephanie Piro

Coffee, the finest organic suspension ever devised. ~ Star Trek: Voyager

Coffee is real good when you drink it it gives you time to think. It's a lot more than just a drink; it's something happening. Not as in hip, but like an event, a place to be, but not like a location, but like somewhere within yourself. It gives you time, but not actual hours or minutes, but a chance to be, like be yourself, and have a second cup. ~ Gertrude Stein

Creativity Challenge Day 12 | My Favorite Things # 6

2011-10-19T20:11:00.000+08:00

HIKING MOUNTAINS

Everything looks, feels and tastes more awesome from up there. :)

*

I am grateful that on most days I have the time to do things just for the sheer joy of doing them, that I get to create and produce something without worrying about deadlines or appraisals, and that I realize that at the end of the day, I work to live and not the other way around.

Creativity Challenge Day 11 | My Favorite Things # 5

2011-10-18T23:34:00.000+08:00

FINDING UNIQUE, ONE-OF-A-KIND THINGS TO WEAR

A trip to my neighborhood ukay - ukay store and finding great pieces at awesome prices is my kind of retail therapy.♥

Creativity Challenge Day 10 | My Favorite Things # 4

2011-10-17T20:25:00.000+08:00

VINO + FORMAGGIO

Conversations with good friends always give me a warm fuzzy feeling. Partaking of wine and cheese doubles that sensation. Over a glass of red wine (preferably a Merlot) and slices of gourmet cheese (Asiago, Camembert, Gouda - oh my!), stories have been told and laughter and tears and heartsongs and heartaches have been shared, until (and sometimes long after) the very last drop and the smallest sliver have been consumed. What a wonderful way to be inebriated!

Sometimes, when I've had a rough day or an excellent day at work, I buy myself a bottle of cheap Chilean red wine and Dutch cheese and have my little vino + formaggio moment. If I could have a luxury everyday, it would be this. :)

Creativity Challenge Day 9 | My Favorite Things # 3

2011-10-14T21:28:00.000+08:00

HAPPINESS ON TWO WHEELS

Why I Like Riding My Bike:

1. Brings me back to my carefree childhood days. On a bike, all seems right with the world.
2. It connects me with The-One-Who-Makes-My-Heart-Sing. (And it was he who revived my bike love, in the first place.<3)
3. This life gypsy is happiest when in motion.

Melancholy is incompatible with bicycling.

(James E. Starrs)

"Life is like riding a bicycle - in order to keep your balance, you must keep moving.

(Albert Einstein)

Creativity Challenge Day 8 | My Favorite Things # 2

2011-10-13T01:20:00.000+08:00

The "Things" on this list, I realize, are not material things - but rather experiences and activities that bring bliss. Here's # 2.

SOAKING UP THE SUN BY SAND AND SEA

Patience, faith, openness is what the sea has to teach. Simplicity, solitude, intermittency .

(Anne Morrow Lindbergh)

Take me to the beach

(All Saints)

Creativity Challenge Day 7 | My Favorite Things # 1

2011-10-12T00:04:00.000+08:00

Day 7 of the 30-Day Creativity Challenge marks the beginning of My Favorite Things Series. This week's creativity theme will be sketches of the things that make my heart sing, my soul stir, my body move and essentially make me feel (happy to be) ALIVE.

LACING UP AND HITTING THE PAVEMENT

I keep running figuratively and literally...

because there has always been a place to go

and a terrible urgency to get there.

(Joan Benoit Samuelson)

Creativity Challenge Day 6 | Girly Doodles

2011-10-10T20:43:00.000+08:00

The weekend came and of course, the drawing took a backseat to weekend things such as going for a run and riding bikes. So here are two doodles to make up for it.

Inspired by fashion doodles - like the ones done by Rina Albert.

One week down for the creativity challenge. So far, it has been quite effective in keeping me sane and serene in the midst of the mind-numbing routine. There's something about creating something that feels...right.

Artistic(ish) on the weekdays and athletic(ish) on the weekends. It's a good groove to get into.:)

Creativity Challenge Day 5 | Sunset

2011-10-09T21:28:00.000+08:00

Inspired by a Windows desktop wallpaper. :)

Beautiful things, beautiful places, beautiful people. They're all around us. It's just a matter of knowing where and how to look.

Creativity Challenge Day 4 | Flowers and Leaves

2011-10-08T18:22:00.000+08:00

Inspired by a bangle given by Tala from a trip in Korea :)

Creativity Challenge Day 3 | In Memoriam

2011-10-06T21:05:00.000+08:00

Steve Jobs had joie de vivre.

His desire to live nothing less than an extraordinary life brought innovation and joy to our world.

Goodbye, rest in peace.

There's an apple-shaped hole in millions of hearts today.

Creativity Challenge Day 2 | Flora on Felt / On Happiness and the Present

2011-10-06T02:04:00.000+08:00

This time, I copied from life. Sort of. This flower print was inspired by a printed malong. Here I learned that white oil pastel is perfect for details and highlights. :)

In other news, today I woke up with a grateful heart. It hit me that serenity and inner peace comes when one stops wishing to be elsewhere. It comes when one is fully aware of the present and engages in the moment at hand. I believe that's why activities like running and drawing are such happy things to do - they focus your mind on what's in front of you and in the moment.

No more yearning for what is not or what should be. This moment is perfect as it is.

Creativity Challenge Day 1 | One Tree Hill

2011-10-05T05:52:00.000+08:00

The 30-Day Creativity Challenge is off to a good start. I thought I'd struggle through the first day. I had a long day at work, a tiring commute and I got home at 9:00 pm.

But I was determined to accomplish this challenge and so after inhaling my dinner, I went to my desk, took out my sketch pad and oil pastels and got started. Within 30 minutes, I was able to come up with something that was inspired by a religious poster I saw somewhere some time ago.

It's not exactly a masterpiece, but the point here is not to showcase my art skills, but to improve them through daily practice. More importantly, the point is to set aside a moment each day to create something and have fun while doing so. I'm at work all day long. At the end of the day, this is how I play.:)

The 30- Day Creativity Challenge

2011-10-03T17:12:00.000+08:00

The lustre and novelty of the new job has worn off. The newness and unfamiliarity had me on my toes when I started. Six months later, I've gotten into the rhythm of things and settled into a familiar, repetitive routine.
My workplace, although imperfect, has grown on me and the days that I drag my feet to work are few. I am happy that my bread and butter comes from doing what I do best - facilitating learning.

And yet restlessness comes. I suppose such is the nature of a life gypsy - never fully settled, always ready and poised to take on something new.

It is with this restlessness that I blurted out to G-third one night, " I need a creative outlet."

And he goes, "E di, why not draw and draw until you become really good at it?"

Why not? Lightbulb!

So thus was borne the 30-Day Creativity Challenge. The Creativity part states that I must produce one handmade artwork a day, and the Challenge is to do it for 30 days.

Day 1 starts tomorrow!

Tambay Mode in Thailand / In Closing

2011-10-03T15:37:00.000+08:00

Day 4 - 5 : Bangkok, Thailand

We arrived early evening, checked into a hostel on Rambuttri road, freshened up and by 8 pm were out the door for dinner. After having our fill of Pad Thai and a spicy chicken dish, we crossed the street to Khao San Road where we were barraged by a melange of clothing goods, foodstuff and other wares displayed on the street. This is where we scored a pair of nice linen pants for G-third, a nifty t-shirt for me and two coin purses for G-third's nieces. The coin purse came in a set of two. A little person who could not speak keyed in digits on a calculator : 150. G-third took the calculator and punched in 110. The little person nodded in agreement, hastily. We felt pretty good about our bargaining skills until the next day, when near our hostel, a lady sold us a set of 4 coin purses for THB 100. Gotta work on those haggling skills.

Nighttime on Rambuttri Road found us tourist-watching over mucho-sized bottles of Singha beer. Happy, steady, and slightly tipsy. Here is when I realized that half of the fun of this trip is due to the one I'm with.:)

After downing the giant brews, we called it a night. Goodnight, Bangkok. See ya, Manila.

The Southeast Asian Sojourn has ended. This life gypsy has gotten back to the grind, back to her daily routine and her corner cubicle. The sights and insights have been documented and filed for future reference and reminiscings. But just wait and see, it will not be long before she packs her bags and flees this concrete jungle once again. :)

Temple Tripping at Sweet Siem Reap!

2011-09-28T12:47:00.000+08:00

Day 2 : Moc Bai, Vietnam / Bavet, Cambodia / Phnom Penh, Cambodia /Siem Reap, Cambodia

Crossing the border from Vietnam to Cambodia was a breeze. We took a Mai Linh bus from Ho Chi Minh which would take us to the Moc Bai/Bavet border crossing. Passports are processed and stamped on both sides without much fanfare, and roughly 6 hours upon departing from Ho Chi Minh, we arrived in Phnom Penh. Since our bus line did not have a connecting trip to Siem Reap, we had to ask the konduktor where we could take such a bus. A tuktuk driver by the name of Richie hastily approached us and offered to take us to the bus station for $2. This seemed a little steep (we were thinking in Philippine Peso), but since we really did not know our way around, we took him up on the offer. Richie was a quite the cheery fellow, with a kind face and a sincere smile. He spoke very good English.

Bus ride from Phnom Penh to Siem Reap was long. And I mean loooooooooong. It was one whole straight stretch of concrete from end to end, with perhaps the only turn made at the terminal.

Upon reaching the terminal, a bunch of tuktuk drivers greeted the passengers at the door, ready to pounce on prospect clients. I had arranged for a pick up with the hostel we were staying in so a guy was there with a sign with my name on it. Soon we found ourselves ushered into a sedan, taken to the Angkor Backpacker hotel, and welcomed by the friendly staff. A waiter/tuktuk driver/bellhop who goes by the name of Rambo escorts us to our room on the second floor, where a spacious double room awaits us. Freshened up a bit. Dinner. Capped the night with sharing of insights and thoughts over bottles of Beer Lao and Angkor Beer and a can of Pringles Jalapeño. Went to bed, clean, full and happy. Sweet dreams, Siem Reap.J

Day 3: Siem Reap, Cambodia

We had planned on taking bikes to explore Angkor Wat and the other temples but a flood prevented us from doing so. So we tuktuk-ed our way through the flood and into the temple grounds. Not surprisingly, we were met with a deluge of eager tourists in all shapes, colors and sizes. After paying for our passes, we tumble back into the tuktuk and are brought to Angkor Wat.

The first thing that hit me upon stepping onto the long and wide walkway the temple is the vast expanse and the grandeur of this structure. It sits on a moat, and the sun gives a shimmery glint on its dark rock surface. So pretty.

But it gets prettier.

Inside the Angkor Wat, are a series of hallways lined with carved pillars with amazing detail. The stones of the temple provide a cool respite from the humidity. Passageways lead to other passageways or out into a vast courtyard.

Angkor Thom was our next stop. The temples here were Bayon, Phimeneakas, and Baphuon.

Bayon is my hands-down favorite. I marveled at the rock faces and the intricate carvings. I couldn’t help but wonder, “How did they do that!?”

As G-third and I took a break in one its nooks, I told him,

“It feels so peaceful here.”

“Siyempre, temple siya eh.”

The temples are best explored in reverent and respectful silence, with all senses engaged including that of wonder.

Popular tourist destinations tend to be over-hyped and overrated – this one was definitely not.

As a traveller, I am drawn more to wonders of nature (magnificent coastlines, rice terraces, breath-taking waterfalls and mountain summits) but this particular temple-tripping destination took my breath away just the same.

Images from the Cambodia leg here.

Oh Hello Ho Chi Minh!

2011-09-22T14:23:00.000+08:00

Day 1 : Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam

Although this was the least pleasant part of our trip, Ho Chi Minh is still worth visiting for the gastronomic and aesthetic delights. This city is a haven for war history buffs and architecture nuts. Veering away from the touristy trail, G-third and I did a DIY tour on foot to get a feel of local life.

The streets we passed were lined with fashion boutiques, café’s and shops selling assorted wares. Food stalls littered the sidewalk. The Vietnamese have a tambay culture – all around, you see a bunch of men in the café’s chatting away.

There are motorbikes everywhere - zipping through the streets and parked on the sidewalks. There were more motorbikes than cars, and crossing the street was an extra challenge!

So here’s a short rundown of what was hot and not in Ho Chi Minh:

Hot:

The weather

The tree-lined avenues

The food

The aesthetically striking-French colony inspired structures

Motorbikes galore!

Not:

The non-English speaking locals

The jacking up of prices for the tourists

Highly recommended for city slickers and architecture aficionados. Temple trippers can take the first bus out to Cambodia upon landing in Vietnam.

To view photos from our Ho Chi Minh walkabout, click here.

How Much We Spent in 3 Countries, 4 Cities and 5 Days

2011-09-15T17:56:00.000+08:00

From the beginning, we had established that we would travel on the cheap. We started with our airline tickets by booking promo fares months in advance. Thank you Cebu Pacific! We also said no to check-in baggage. We scouted budget hostels for lodging. We sought out street and home-cooked meals. (But alas, we still ended up paying too much than expected in Vietnam - of all places! More on this later.) Our original budget was around PHP 12,000 each (PHP24,000 total). We ended up spending half of that - without feeling that we short-changed ourselves on this trip. I attribute this to (1) Over-estimation of costs, (2) Impulse decisions to forego certain "must-see" tourist destination due to energy level constraints, (3) General mutual inclination to take in the sights, smells and sounds that are within reasonable walking radius of our place of lodging. I dutifully jot down every expense as the paper bills slipped out of our hands so as not to break my head remembering everything later. Rates are for two people.

HO CHI MINH
Vietnam		COST (VND)	COST (PHP)
*9-Sep*	Taxi	150,000	311.19
	Lunch	156000	323.61
	Water	28,000	58.08
	Banana Snack	40,000	82.98
	Coconut Drink	40,000	82.98
	Dinner	190000	394.14
	Bus to PP	380,000	788.28
*10-Sep*	Lodging (2 nights)	600,000	1,244.60
	Lunch	100,000	207.44
	TOTAL	1,684,000	3,493.35

PHNOM PENH Cambodia
		COST (USD)	COST (PHP)
*10-Sep*	Tuktuk	2.00	86.42
	Bus to Siem Reap	20.00	864.2
	Snack	4.00	172.84

SIEM REAP
Cambodia	Dinner	4.50	194.45
	Water	1.00	43.21
	Beer + Snacks	4.00	172.84

*11-Sep*	Breakfast	5.00	216.05
	Angkor Wat Pass	40.00	1,728.40
	Tuktuk	15.00	648.15
	Water	4.00	172.84
	Dinner	7.50	324.08
	Beer + Snacks	7.50	324.08
	Lodging (2 nights)	24.00	1,037.04
	Bus to Bangkok	16.00	691.36

*12-Sep*	Water	0.50	21.61
	Toothpaste	0.50	21.61
	Snack	0.75	32.41
	Breakfast	3.50	151.24
	Shawl	1.00	43.21
	Snacks	1.00	43.21
	TOTAL	161.75	6,989.22

BANGKOK
Thailand		COST (THB)	COST (PHP)
	Lunch	115.00	163.42
	Dinner	140.00	198.95
	Pasalubong (J&D)	110.00	156.31
	Beer	180.00	255.59

*13-Sep*	Lodging (1 night)	500.00	709.97
	Airport Bus	240.00	340.78
	Breakfast	230.00	326.58
	Fruitshakes	60.00	85.19
	Beer	150.00	212.99
	Dinner	572.00	812.77
	TOTAL	2,297.00	3,262.55


	GRAND TOTAL in Php		13,745.12
	Divided by 2, so G-third and I spent this much each.		6,872.56

O-Ha! Highlights of the trip, coming soon!

The Southeast Asian Sojourn

2011-09-08T16:45:00.000+08:00

travelmekong.com

Yup. That's the plan.

Goodbye, Manila.

See you in four days. :)

Sometimes You Have To

2011-09-05T21:21:00.000+08:00

Surrender to the sadness
The aching heart
The dull pain
Take that melancholic trip down the gloomy lane

Surrender to the blue
The dark void
The quiet grief
In deep breaths of sorrow, find relief

Feigning strength, its sheer effort
Only leaves one weak
Tip the cup, let the stagnant contents spill
For only when one is empty

Can one be truly Filled.

Travel = Life

2011-09-01T17:41:00.000+08:00

In anticipation of an upcoming trip, I dedicate this prose to travelling.

There are times when I can only take so much of this city, the concrete and the carbon monoxide plus the corporate minion's routine - before the psychic claustrophobia kicks in.

Then there's wanderlust - that irresistible and strong urge to pack up and go places. I am serendipituously blessed to have people in my life who share this desire to see my country and the world and all its marvels. They are: 1) my significant other and 2 ) the wonderful women I call my friends. Together, we explore destinations not as tourists, but as travellers with curious minds who want to see, hear, feel and taste the beautiful and the strange.

When I travel, I feel alive. All senses engaged, including that of wonder. The mind opens up and the view of the world expands to accomodate and take awe in different realities, unique architecture, foreign facial features , gastronomic delights, undecipherable tongues and all the novelties of an unfamiliar location. There may be fear in losing one's way on strange streets, but I believe it is in losing your bearings that you truly find yourself.

When I travel, I feel humbled. I realize that I am but a smidgen in a sea of humanity and that superiority and self-importance are senseless and absurd. But I do not feel insignificant. For when I travel, I feel connected to creation because I am participating and experiencing it.

When I travel, I gain perspective. The bigger picture unfolds itself before me and the small stuff I sweat melts away.

I travel to unravel. Outside of the box of my daily routine, I can unwind the tight coils of accumulated stress. I can breathe.

At this point, I can only travel for a few days at a time. I am still bound to a day job which I need to survive and more importantly, to fund my travels. Though I wish I could go away for much longer, I am content with the precious few days I spend living out of my backpack and sleeping in hostels. I am working towards stretching those days to a week and then two and for even longer...it will happen someday.

I pack up and leave for far-off places not to get away from life, but rather to find it.

Unconditional

2011-08-31T17:16:00.000+08:00

I love you because you're beautiful
And your beauty comes not from perfection
That crooked grin gets me every time

I love you not for what you can give
But for who you are
And what needs to be filled

I love you now that the walls have crumbled
Each and every piece of you
A glorious rubble

I love you with no conditions
I wish to see only what's real and true
I love you and in return ask for nothing
Not even that this love be requited

Happiness on Two Wheels

2011-08-29T17:34:00.000+08:00

She's back!

After a six-month hiatus, the new and improved Becky treaded the streets of UP Diliman with a spanking paint job, disc brakes, a new wheelset, new grips, and best of all, the renewed confidence of its rider.

Becky (full name Becky Velo) will hit the off-road trails, hopefully sometime soon.

Bike improvement credit goes G-third. Thanks babe.:)

The Life Gypsy Attempts Art (+Insights)

2011-08-16T01:02:00.000+08:00

Countryside in oil pastel. My fifth attempt.:)

Art lessons. A tick mark on my bucket list, finally. A personal pursuit of the pleasure of creation. The process of rendering lines, shapes and color on a blank sheet to create a picture, and essentially, a story, is just as delightful as seeing the finished product. To add to the happiness, my Twinstah Winna is my art class buddy. We do like getting our hands dirty!

Techniques are not the only things I've picked up the past four (intermittent) Saturdays with the art teacher. There's much life wisdom to be gained too. Some adages from the maestro's mouth :

It is darkest where light and shadow converge.

That line between where light hits the object and where the shadow is cast is rendered in the darkest shade. There is no black and white. It's almost always many shades of gray.

Artists see things differently, they focus their eyes on things "normal" eyes don't see.

When copying an object, artists are trained to see the whole and then break it down to shapes.
Life sometimes calls us to do the same - to look at people, things, and places with new eyes. There might be something there that wasn't there before.

Big shapes first. Details later.

In drawing a bouquet of flowers, one first encloses the whole figure in a "sac". Then you outline the big shapes contained in the sac, after which you fill in the details - which include shadows and light.
It is best to see the bigger picture first, before dwelling on the little things.

Do not be afraid to darken your strokes.

What I noticed about the way I handle my pencil or oil pastel is that I can be very hesitant and tend to hold back,and this tends to make my drawings look subdued. It's the bold and intese strokes that often define a life well-lived.

No need to copy the photograph exactly. Just evoke and convey the story.

In drawing with oil pastels, the finished product need not be a realistic interpretation of the subject. Take note of the movements, the shadows and the light. Tell the story. The thing I love about doing this is that two people can copy the same photograph, but the output will never be exactly the same - compared to the photo and to each other's work. Individual nuances come into play and the finished product will always be uniquely yours.

Are you enjoying?

Sir Mar will always ask this while we're working on our drawings. Very much, we say. Life's too short not to do things that make you happy.

What I Know For Sure

2011-07-26T15:12:00.000+08:00

*Crickets*

What's Not To Like?

2011-07-19T23:47:00.000+08:00

The picturesque countryside

The cute guys in tight shorts on nifty bikes going really fast

The heart-stopping sprints

The lung-busting climbs

The unexpected attacks

The dramatic finishes

The near-fatal falls

The skill and art of balancing speed and control

The game plan behind a team and an individual goal

The look of focus and determination mingled with pain

(As the riders traverse a challenging stage's terrain)

The accents - French, Italian, Spanish, English, Dutch

Oh, do check out Mr. Cavendish of this lot

Le Tour de France's the sexiest thing on Eurosport this month

Messy / Bliss

2011-07-18T16:15:00.000+08:00

Love is messy.

It's being on the receiving end of a bad temper. It's being frustrated at always having to second-guess her. It's seeing every pimple and pore, every stubble and scar. Up close and very personal. Now you see that not
everything fits exactly - so you stretch and bend and tie another piece of rope to the frayed ends. Insecurities and imperfections come to the fore - and eat at your very core. No one lays a hand, but words said and unsaid can hurt so much more.

Love is messy because people are messy - with baggage, expectations and needs. Put two of those together and what have you got? Disaster. It's really a wonder people stay together.

But they do. They do because

Love is bliss.

It is complete surrender and revelation. It's letting go of pretenses and having no inhibitions. It's comfort in silence and just holding hands. It's shared laughter and halved sorrow and a shoulder to cry on. It's putting your defenses down and letting someone in. It's stretching your patience and building your character. It is giving up some things and giving in - but in the process gaining things better than you dreamed. It's expanding your world. It's dreaming dreams for two.

They say after the high of physical attraction and infatuation comes disillusionment - I say it's all for the better. For who wants to love an illusion? We can only truly love what is real. And real includes bad tempers, bad hair days, bad car days, bad work days, bad judgement calls, silent tears, clumsy falls and PMS. Love sees beyond all that. It is constant and true.

Another thing about love - it's not something you feel, it's something you do.

Para sa May Humahadlang

2011-07-12T23:39:00.000+08:00

Ano nga ba ang kinakatakutan?
Ang masaktan, malinlang, mapagsamantalahan?

Alalahanin mong ang puso'y matatag
Ang makapanghihina nito ay ang pagiging duwag

Paminsan-minsa'y kailangang tumalon
Upang masagot ang mga tanong

Sa lakas ng loob nakasalalay
Ang pagkalawak o pagkakitid ng ating buhay

Where Does It All Go?

2011-07-08T13:30:00.000+08:00

In an attempt to take control of my spending and become better at managing my money, I kept a log of all my expenses for 30 days with the objective of seeing where each penny goes. I also wanted to see how much of my salary goes to each of the following life expenses:

Beauty Services
Credit Card
Food
Fun Stuff
Hobbies
Miscellaneous
Phone Bill
Savings
Toiletries
Transportation
Travel Fund
Wardrobe

After religiously taking note of each and every expense, the numbers show that this is where my money goes:

A big portion of my salary went to my nourishment (and that of my loved ones - I shelled out a hefty amount for Father's Day dinner). Miscellaneous expenses included little treats like an ice cream cone, a new book, and incidental expenses like a new umbrella, a friend's wedding gift and gout antidotes for G-third. I am currently setting aside money for an upcoming Vietnam-Cambodia trip and I recently renewed my passport, so a sizeable amount went to my travel fund. The commute to and from Makati added up at the end of the month - and that's with minimal cab rides. A recent enrollment in art lessons had me buying art supplies and paying for weekly sessions.

I spent nothing on new clothes, and sadly nothing was set aside for a rainy day. I started my Moving Out Fund this month - but now I wonder, where am I gonna get the money for rent if I'm practically dry at the end of the month? Obviously, I have to cut down somewhere. (And perhaps find something I can do on the side to augment my income.)

The sad truth is, I've been living beyond my means. The challenge :

1. Be more conscious about my spending,without depriving myself completely of life's little and big pleasures.

2. Set aside a portion as savings.

Can it be done? With a lot of discipline, a bit of temperance, creativity and self-control, I believe it can.

G and C

2011-06-23T21:57:00.000+08:00

BUT SOMEHOW, IT WORKS.

On Dealing With Enemies

2011-06-13T11:26:00.000+08:00

Kill them not with words and spite, but with kindness.

Untitled

2011-04-14T18:40:00.000+08:00

At first, ecstasy, elation.
Then fear.
Then surrender.
Then bliss.

Stop Thinking, Start Living

2011-03-24T16:15:00.000+08:00

You just know when something is "it". In the same way, you also know when something isn't. This rule applies to shopping for a dress or a pair of shoes, getting into a relationship, figuring out if a career move is a go or not.

Call it intuition or gut feel - basta, you just know.

There is a difference between gut feel and reckless impulse. Let me attempt to define the difference. First is in context. Gut feel is a subconscious, somewhat psychic self-preservation mechanism that aims to veer away from harm and toward good. Gut feel comes in the face of major decisions to be made. Reckless impulse is a submission to the id, that hedonistic part which wants to please the senses. The second difference lies in the consequence of following one over the other. Following gut feel ultimately results in a desirable outcome. Acting on reckless impulse elicits temporary feelings of pleasure which later turn into guilt and remorse.

God knows I've had my share of gut feel-led and reckless impulse-influenced decisions. It takes a quiet, unperturbed, non-judgemental state of mind to make sound gut feel calls. And when you have a tendency to people-please like me, it isn't easy. It requires constantly retreating into oneself, getting rid of the hang-ups, unloading the baggage, and asking the really tough questions and answering them with brutal truthfulness.

I honestly believe that a life well-lived is one that is 40% rational thinking and 60% heart-led action. Why? Because if the rational part took over, we would constantly be afraid to take risks. I'm not saying do away with it completely, obviously. But having the courage to go beyond comfort zones needs more heart than logic.

Sometimes, you gotta stop thinking, and just start living.

I Wear, Therefore I Am

2011-03-07T11:56:00.000+08:00

I am no bona fide fashionista. I do know though, that I've always been a conscious dresser. I have a knack for pairing up separates, an intrinsic talent for discerning what goes with what. A little bit of inspiration from magazines, a lot of intuition and observation of what the polished set wear, a touch of imagination, and a dash of fun goes into the process. While perusing a bottom at a store, I take a mental inventory of tops in my closet that would go with it. An ensemble forms in my head, complete with footwear and accessories. Once home, I do a dress rehearsal, a fitting session - and the aforementioned ensemble comes into fruition in front of my full-length mirror. Afterwards, as I fold away the heaps of tops and bottoms on my bed, I feel a tinge of anticipation for when the put-together pieces see the light of day.

Today I'm wearing a brand new pair of sleek platform pumps which I fell in love with at first sight at the store. As luck would have it, it was the last pair in my size AND was on sale! Oh,these must be very lucky, very special shoes. I have reason to believe so because the moment I slipped them on - I felt my mood shift from dreary to daisy. I was in such a swell mood that I went on a good morning greeting spree on YM. It's the shoes, I tell ya.

Wear what makes you happy - that's what I say. Wearing something that makes you feel and look good can spell the difference between bliss and blah.

Reality Bites When You Let It

2011-01-21T14:32:00.000+08:00

Savoring the days of il dolce far niente - the sweetness of doing nothing. Like all good things, this too will be over soon.

Back to the grind I will go. Sigh. Not really looking forward to rush hour traffic. The getting up before the sun does. The wardrobe decisions. The deadlines. The expectations. The office politics. The crush of tired bodies on the way home. The paycheck that comes and then goes.

My oh my. When did the world of work become so dreary and dreadful?

But. As the eternal optimist, I strive to accentuate the positive.

Back to the grind I will go. Looking forward to the new connections. The stretching of the mind and spirit. The wardrobe decisions. The chance to do what I am good at. The creative process. The regular income. The sigh of relief at the end of another productive day.

We see the world not as it is, but as we are.

Three Years Ago I Spoke To The Universe About The Man I Want To Be With

2011-01-20T17:47:00.000+08:00

Original entry:

http://indaymaria.multiply.com/journal/item/90/Hello_Universe_Are_You_Listening

It's not that I feel incomplete without a significant other. Nor do I need a man to shower me with gifts and compliments. I'm not looking for someone who will affirm that I am a wonderful human being. I already know that. :-)

It's been a long and winding road to the place of self-security I am in now. Of course, the journey is by no means over. Self-knowledge is a lifetime process. Nonetheless, with 25 years of life behind me, I can say that I get me. What I'm looking for is someone who can get me too. Someone I can share my weirdness with. Someone who won't take things at face value but will search deeper. Someone who will expand my world instead of constrict it. Someone who sees people with non-judgemental eyes. Someone who isn't emotionally constipated. Someone who will be patient and gentle with me. Someone I can share this ride with. As for that Someone, I will do the same.

I'm in no rush to be attached. I'm just putting the desires of my heart out there so the Universe can start conspiring and give them to me when the time is right.

I wrote this on November 4, 2007. I was 25 years old, four months into a new job and three months out of a relationship. Three one-night stands later, I felt tired and empty and longed for the real thing. Three years later, He Who Got Me comes along. Apparently, the Universe was listening. :)

Birthday Thoughts

2011-01-20T14:56:00.000+08:00

Birthdays past the 25^th year have a way of making you look at where you are now and you wonder, How did I get here? Hopefully, it is an awe-inspiring personal experience. When you look back on the years that have passed, and see the new places you’ve been to, the new friends you’ve made, the new things you’ve learned and all the life-enriching experiences you’ve had, you are filled with a sense of gratitude and joy and a delicious sensation of delight at the person you’ve become. Hopefully, this is what your birthday means to you. I’m happy to say that this is what it means to me.

I write this two days after my birthday. I am now 29 years old. I don’t really know what to make of this number. I keep thinking, it is the last year of my 20s. It’s a year away from 30 – which is supposedly a milestone in itself. But really, do the numbers mean anything? To most of us they do. We set our goals vis-a-vis a certain age. Earning so and so by 25, married by 27, retired by 40. I was never really the type to do this. I suppose I knew on a subconscious level that I was a late bloomer. I had my first boyfriend at 21, I’m still on shaky ground career-wise, and although I’m in a stable relationship with a good man – it is only a year old and marriage is like a misty dream. So at the rate I’m going, I’ll be married and be having my first baby somewhere in the vicinity of my early 30s while my high school batchmates are already raising two or three toddlers.

I’m not worried. The pressure is not on at all. Thus far, the dots of the life are connecting and they make sense, and they’ve brought me to where I am now. And where I am now is a pretty good place. Happy birthday to me.

Eureka!

2010-10-22T13:47:00.000+08:00

Instead of trying to look for that ONE thing, why not do the MANY things that call out to me?

Who says I can't be an organisational psychologist-by-day, an artist/writer-by-night, and a runner every weekend (and on at least three weeknights)?

My history seems to point me in the direction of a life of interdisciplines. And I don't mean to use the word as a euphemism for lack of focus. Perhaps the likes of me are just built to be drawn to and be good at a variety of interests.

Now this takes a load off. Instead of trying to zero in on that one thing, I can take pleasure in the multiple pursuits that pull at my heartstrings.

And you know what? Up to this point, I have been doing just that!

The search has ended. The living in the moment begins.

Love and My Life Agenda

2010-10-21T22:49:00.000+08:00

Earlier this year, I proclaimed that 2010 was going to be all about me. It was the year I would go beyond my comfort zone and hustle to reach my full potential. Falling in love was not at all on my agenda.

But Life, oh, Life had other ideas. Life brought a former schoolmate/fellow runner and outdoor - lover a few cubicles from mine. This kindred spirit had the bright idea of setting me up with a friend of hers. "I think you'll like him, " she said, "He's insightful like you." And so one night in January, a day after my 28th birthday, we were introduced. Three weeks later, this insightful man -He Who Got Me - and I decided to make it official.

He Who Got Me got me through thoughtful conversations over dinner, anecdotes over coffee, a copy of his iPod playlists, casual chats on YM, a Cynthia Alexander gig, a Sandra Bullock movie, a smooth move to hold my hand and an even smoother one to kiss me. Being on the receiving end of these romantic gestures had me glowing for days!

Romantic gestures can only go so far. He Who Got Me still has me now because He Who Got Me gets me. He knows of my quirks and idiosyncracies and has embraced them wholeheartedly, even finds some of them endearing. He is my pillar of wisdom and a source of comfort. I'm learning so much of the practicals and proverbials of life. Plus, he introduced me to a new way of seeing the land : on two wheels. And oh, how he makes me laugh!

You just know you've hit jackpot when you have butterflies in your tummy, and at the same time, serenity in your heart.

But wait, there's more.

I've always known that I would willingly quit my job and uproot myself for the man I love. I would willingly cross oceans and time zones. What do you know, He Who Got Me has indeed been cooking up plans to pack up and go to greener and happier pastures. I find myself not doubting for one moment that I'd be ready to do the same. Because I know that wherever he is - is and will be home to me.

But what about the year that was going to be all about me? Have I given up my dreams because of a man? Que horror!

On the contrary, my dreams have EXPANDED because of this man. If leaving my homeland and immersing in another culture isn't going beyond my comfort zone, I don't know what is. If exploring professional or education opportunities in a foreign land isn't hustling to reach my full potential, I don't know what is.

I've never had grand plans of building empires, climbing up the corporate ladder, amassing wealth or accumulating a collection of haute couture and designer heels. Ultimately, I want to live a life of passion, courage, curiosity, joy and love. My life thus far, I'm proud to say, has been marked with such. Having He Who Got Me in my life has cranked up the passion, courage, curiosity, joy and love to another level!

So, thank you, Life for not sticking to the agenda.

And to He Who Got Me, G-third : It's been eight months, and I'm still glowing.

I Know What I Want To Do

2010-04-05T19:16:00.000+08:00

I want to dance.

You want to what?!

Dance.

For a living?

No, silly. For fun. For my body. For my soul.

I think dance is a celebration of the human body - its beauty and all the awesome things it can do. I find dancers fascinating - jazz, ballroom, pop, ballet, hip-hop, all kinds. Poetry in motion. Movement synchronized with music. It's candy for the soul. I do not want to be a spectator. I want to participate!

I think everyone wants to dance. Most people just won't admit it.

I am not afraid to admit it. I'm going to do it.

Watch me.

Random Thoughts

2009-12-28T13:54:00.000+08:00

1. I suppose it's better that you see them at their worst sooner, than later.

2. My parents invited our next door neighbors to dinner tomorrow- one of them is a musician who plays the harmonica whenever Mama plays on the piano. I think he may be Waxie's bandmate.

3. I won't be able to make it to dinner tomorrow - I'll be bound for San Juan, La Union! Christmas (ish) at the beach, baby!

4. Vacation mode na.

5. Brought Neo to work today. He was very cooperative.Good boy! Neo will be witness to a lot of (early morning) races next year :-)

6. I should be working on my learning and development plans for next year... kaso ... see # 4.

7. Avatar's getting rave reviews. I'll see it after the MFF.

8. My officemate is playing the Chipmunk version of "I Hate This Part Right Here" - it's cute!

9. What new thing will I learn next year?

10. Can't wait to run!

Eye Opener

2009-10-04T11:32:00.000+08:00

The planet is broken.

Surely, these extreme weather conditions are the manifestations of an ecosystem gone out of balance. Decades of civilization, industrialization, globalization and all the other labels for "advancement" of the human race - these are the seeds we've sown. And THIS is what we are reaping - destruction of property, man-made structures, lives.

The earth is breaking down. What do we do?

The urgency of arresting the massive and accelerated decline of the environment is not so much about saving the planet. It's about saving humankind. The earth has all the time in the world. In time, it will renew and self-heal. All these forces of nature are coming down upon us as a result of our neglect and blatant disrespect. We, as a human race, brought this upon ourselves. Incomprehensible as it may seem, nature is just trying to restore the balance to the planet. And it is doing so by going on a rage - the way a fever inflames our bodies to fight infections. There must be a breakdown in order to have a breakthrough.

If we continue with our destructive ways, eventually mankind will be wiped out. Without man, destruction will cease. Then the earth will start to heal itself.

Obviously, we are not amenable to this arrangement. Therefore, we must do something.

The way I see it, the world is shifting. So must we. As the citizens of this world, there must be a change in the way we see our planet. The state of the earth is a reflection of our own condition. Humans, for the past decades, have become disconnected with true and genuine joy because of greed, consumption, of acquiring material things.

The question is, what good are all these things we accumulate if our planet is dying? What good are all these when they can be destroyed in the blink of an eye by a flash flood? What good are all these when our lives are in peril?

I think now is the time to consider and really think hard about the consequences our actions have on the planet. It's time to assess our consumption habits, the amount of waste we accumulate and the way we dispose them. Let's help Mother Nature restore the balance. Let's work with her, not against her.

It's time to treat each other with compassion and kindness. It's time to realize that we are first and foremost citizens of the World. All other titles of race, ethnicity, gender, profession, religion, marital status, are secondary.

Ondoy woke me up. It roused me from a state of apathetic slumber. Before this, all my energies were devoted to dreams of personal gain - how I'm going to advance in my career, how I'm going to purchase my own pad and my own car, how I'm going to meet the man of my dreams, how I'm going to travel and see the world. Now I see how narrow-minded it is to be couped up in my little bubble of wants and wishlists, when all around me there is scarcity and poverty.

Not to say that I've taken up a cause to save the world. Nor will I give up my dreams. For without dreams, life has no meaning. I believe we were born to discover our gifts, hone them and use them so that we may bring joy to ourselves and to others.

It all boils down to giving LIFE - in all its forms, flora and fauna, the respect and reverence it deserves.

Change your mind. Change your world.

2009-09-21T17:35:00.000+08:00

O sha. Tama na emo.

Problema sa 'tin, we keep harping on what's wrong with the world. Let's focus on what's right this time.

My life is amazing.

I have a great support system in the form of my parents and brothers.

I'm working for a global brand, that sells kick-ass beauty products and an inspiring history.

I live in a clean, walkable city.

I have the best soul sisters.

I have healthy working feet and legs (and heart and lungs) for running.

I have good, acne-free skin.

I get along with my superiors and my colleagues at work.

The commute to work is relatively short and hassle-free.

I have seen many wonderful places in and out of the country.

I have climbed mountains and will climb many more.

I have loved and lost (and loved and lost again) with no regrets.

I have a great eye for vintage.

I'm young and the world is opening up to me!

What The Signs Say

2009-09-21T16:10:00.000+08:00

I'm supposed to be preparing for a presentation tomorrow. I find myself unable to focus and distracted.

There seems to be a recurring theme in my thoughts, and it's that I'm not quite where I'm supposed to be. I'm constantly lost.

And a bit unhappy.

How do I get there? How do I get to that place where I can say, Aaaah, yes. This is IT. THIS is what I was BORN to do.

I think about that presentation I'm supposed to be working on for tomorrow, and I'm filled with this...blankness. And mild dread.

It's not that I hate my job. Among all my designations, this is the one that suits me most.

But it doesn't put me on fire.

I find ways to make it joyful. I make the best out of the situation. After all, you make lemonades out of the lemons life throws at ya.

But it's a struggle, ya know?

I envy those who are absolutely sure they want to this one thing and then the set their GPS systems and just go.

Where do I go? What do the signs say?

It never ends

2009-09-12T22:51:00.000+08:00

Answered questions spawn even more questions.

It can go either way - move you to action or paralyze you with fear and doubt.
Do you stay? Do you go? Do you wait it out? Do you take that class? That trip? That job?

Lately, I've been feeling unsettled. Restless. I'm here but I ought to be there.Somewhere else.

One thing is clear to me. Life is not random. My existence (and yours) is not an accident.

Life is too short not to be spent in the pursuit of dreams.

Is it just one all-encompassing dream? Or is it a string of little dreams that will make life sweeter?

One's life mission is that cross between our hunger and the world's needs.

It's a matter of determining what matters most to me, what gives me joy, what inspires me and pursuing THAT.

Untapped Potential

2009-08-31T12:01:00.000+08:00

A majority of our countrymen are struggling to earn a living. Our preoccupation with the more pressing matter of feeding, sheltering and clothing ourselves and our families hinders us from having the consciousness to appreciate art, more so dabble in it. I find this sad because Filipinos are as a people, an artistic lot.

If the government could find a way to support every Filipino's basic survival requirements - through a sustainable system of providing housing and employment, maybe? - and elevate and promote the arts as a lifestyle and an essential facet to our cultural and national identity, then we would be a great nation.

We have a lot to be proud of as a nation. Having a natural inclination to the arts (whether it be visual, musical or written) is one of them. If we could only tap this potential on a national level - then we would be truly prosperous.

Magis

2009-08-12T22:34:00.000+08:00

Something more.

Finding Emo

2009-08-11T22:52:00.000+08:00

To my Kryptonite,

You weren't just a one-night stand.

Whatever this is, it's not driven by pure lust. I cannot claim, however, that it is love.

Oh, far from it.

There's something about you though, that strikes me so. Though I know that harboring these feelings are unhealthy for my sanity and my soul, I can't help but. It's a strange compulsion - a mild obssession, if I may. It's unsettling, troubling and utterly uncomfortable.

The good thing is, I don't think think of you nearly as much as I used to.

But when I do, oh, it makes me want to cry.

I must've met you for a reason. A good one.

For the life of me, I can't figure out why.

I won't fight it. I won't condemn it.

It is what it is.

The answers will come someday.

The Day After

2009-08-06T17:44:00.000+08:00

Hindi mababaw ang luha ko.Alam yan ng mga kaibigan ko, at ng mga taong malapit sa 'kin.

Pero habang pinapanood ko ang Requiem Mass para kay President Cory Aquino kahapon, hindi mapigil ang pagluha ko. Kasabay ng pagbuhos ng ulan na dala ng bagyong Kiko, umagos din ang kalungkutan sa buong pagkatao ko. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ganun na lang ang pag-iyak ko. Kung tutuusin, hindi naman ako maituturing na Cory-ista.

Ang alam ko lang, namulat ako na si President Cory na ang Pangulo. Ang pagkakakilala ko sa kanya ay hanggang sa mga nababasa ko lang sa mga history books at napapanood sa TV. Noong 1986, 4 na taong gulang pa lang ako. I was 10 when her term ended. Sa mga edad na 'yon, wala naman akong pakialam sa mga kaganapan sa bansa o sa pamahalaan. Kahit naman habang tumatanda ako, hindi naman ako naging masigasig na tagapag-antabay sa kung anumang isyung politikal o kung anumang may kinalaman sa gobyerno. Siguro, tulad ng marami sa mga henerasyon ko, I am what one might call "apathetic". It's an apathy borne out of mistrust of the government, a mistrust I gained from the barrage of the evils and inefficiencies of the system I hear from the news and experience as soon as I step out of my home.

Evil, inefficient, corrupt, self-serving. Yan ang sistemang kinamulatan ko. Yan ang larawan ng mga politikong at mga public servants na nakinagisnan ko.Maliban kay President Cory. Natatangi siya. Hindi ko na kailangan ipaliwanag kung bakit.

Habang sinusulat ko ito, naiintindihan ko na ang dalamhati ko. Lumuha ako dahil sa lungkot - para bang naulila sa ina. Because that's who President Cory was - a mother to this nation. She loved us selflessly, unconditionally, compassionately. She took us in her embrace and shielded us from a bully who hurt us again and again. She appeased us with her gentleness and grace. She was pure of heart and never betrayed us the way some of our leaders have.

Naging tunay siyang Ilaw.At nung napundi na ang sindi niya, para bang bumalot ulit ang kadiliman. Kahit na alam naman natin na lahat ng tao ay papanaw - kapag ang isang naging simbolo ng liwanag at PAG-ASA ang lumisan...isang napakalaking kawalan. Isang napakasakit na kawalan.

Lumuha ako dahil nakaramdam ako ng...ano nga bang Filipino ng despair? When a tangible symbol of goodness and hope passes on, who do you look up to now?The tears I shed were of sorrow and loss. She's gone. Yesterday, I felt like hope died with her.

Enter Today. While the flame of her life has been extinguished, I feel that something inside me was ignited. A desire to...love my country in every possible way. A fervent resolve to be an honorable citizen of my homeland. A desire to serve countrymen in whatever way I'm called to do.Ito ang iniwan ni President Cory sa akin: she made me feel proud to be a Filipino.

This I know now, hope didn't die with her. It lives. And it will live on in me and in every Filipino who sees the country through her eyes: a nation, a people worth dying for.

Hindi mababaw ang luha ko. Kaya naman, kapag ganun na lang ang pag-iyak ko, ibig sabihin, may inuudyok ang puso ko. Sinasabi niya, mahalin mo ang Bayan mo, sa paraang minahal siya ng President Cory mo. At yan ang gagawin ko.

30 Days Later

2009-08-01T23:22:00.000+08:00

The intoxication, the obsession, the infatuation - whatever it was - is wearing off.

Good while it lasted though.

IHJAJ

2009-07-04T10:58:00.004+08:00

Aaagh.

This is so uncomfortable. Being in the presence of greatness - close enough to touch, sit on its couch, drink its beer, pee in its toilet - and wanting so much to make an impression but getting all tongue-tied and bashful and timid.

This is the kind of thing that would make me take up smoking all over again. F*ck. I'm in trouble.

What It Means To Be A Grown Up

2009-01-18T17:23:00.000+08:00

A Movie Review Of Sorts / And Then Some

2009-01-03T15:10:00.000+08:00

This is a review on, drum roll please...A Very Special Love. I know, I know. The pinoy romantic-comedy blockbuster starring John Lloyd Cruz and Sarah Geronimo came out in July of last year but in my living room, it continues to get rave reviews. Granted, it's an audience of one (need I say who?), who also happens to be one of those who swoon at the sight of a Biogesic billboard. See, my brothers gave me a copy (original - Suportahan ang Pelikulang Pinoy!) as a Christmas gift, and they'd be happy to know that they got their money's worth - it's been a constant on our DVD player.

Why don't I get sick of watching it? One would think that it is but a typical romance where poor girl meets rich boy, they fall in love, and live happily ever after. But see, the film doesn't dwell on the difference of their social status. What it does is it shows the interaction of two opposing ideas when it comes to love. More on that later. For now, an overview of the film...

AVSL revolves around the characters of and Laida Magtalas, a charming, perpetually optimistic lass who works for Miggy Montenegro, the emotionally-hardened president of a publishing company. Their relationship evolves within the context of producing a make-or-break anniversary issue. The film unfolds and shows how the disparity of their dispositions brings them together, breaks them apart and brings them back together again.

The central character is actually JLC's character, Miggy. In terms of development and back stories, his was the more pronounced. In the film, his cold, unaffected and ruthless demeanor stems from his stigma as an illegitimate child of the Montenegro patriarch. Although his half-brethren recognize him as a Montenegro and he bears the family name, he is burdened by the weight of constantly trying to win their love and respect. In the film, he is portrayed as a heartless superior (earning him the nickname of 'Mondemonyo'), a facade he keeps to hide the pain of his childhood scars. His soft spot is revealed in his visits to his mother's resting place, the only person he feels has loved him unconditionally.

Enter Laida Magtalas, the eternally perky editorial assistant hire who is the epitome of a ray of sunshine. The chance to work for Miggy - her idea of Prince Charming - thrills her no end. She unabashedly displays devotion to her job and to her boss, despite his unappreciative and steely ways.

The stress of producing a pivotal issue of Bachelor Magazine takes its toll on Miggy and when Laida attempts to make a helpful suggestion, he lashes out at her and humiliates her, accusing her of meddling and putting her down for her naivete. Laida is reduced to tears and clams up. In the same scene, a staff member points out to Miggy that it is Laida who has been tirelessly troubleshooting all the production glitches. A glimmer of guilt comes over Miggy - he realizes that he has come down too hard on Laida. He tries to make amends. Laida, however, is crushed and doesn't respond to his reluctant acts of contrition.

The turning point comes when upon delivering an article to Miggy's condo, she finds him bedridden and ill and alone. Seeing him in this sorry state, her compassion gets the better of her. Ronnie Liang's Ngiti plays in the background as she goes about feeding him, cleaning up after he regurgitates, and lulling him to sleep. As she fetches a blanket to place over Miggy's shivering body, she glimpses framed photos of Miggy as a child, in a happy embrace with his mother. In his fevered state, Miggy half-rouses to find Laida by his side, spent from nursing duties, and goes back to sleep with half a smile on his face.

The blossoming romance starts to unfold marked by a mildly inebriated quasi-serenade, a revelation of Miggy's history to Laida and punctuated by a visit to Miggy's mother's grave with Laida in tow. Here we see the positive impact Laida starts to make on Miggy. He becomes less abrasive and becomes a little more pleasant to work with. The blissful interaction hits a speed bump at the magazine's disastrous launch, made even more painful by the presence of the Montenegro clan. Miggy, unable to deal with failing in front of his family, walks out. Laida's efforts to reassure him are met with a pained and angry verbal lashing.

His failed endeavor to make his family proud of him causes him to retreat into his shell - he shuts down the magazine, and shuts out Laida in the process. Laida attempts to get through to him once again and he waves her off, telling her it's no use - she'll wear herself out. He is completely empty with nothing more to give. As she storms off in tears, Miggy is left, feeling utterly miserable.

Miggy goes to his sole refuge - his mother's grave site - and here he breaks down and weeps for all the things he lost - his family's affection, his business, Laida. It is here where he encounters his father and comes to terms with all his emotional wounds and scars. The breakthrough for Miggy comes at this point. His father asks for his forgiveness, tells him that he's proud of him and that he loves Miggy very much.

In the meantime, Laida is heartbroken. However, she is consoled by her family - her source of unconditional love and affection. In the midst of their embrace, she says, "Paano naman ako mauubusan? Eh sa inyo pa lang, punong-puno na."

These two encounters of Laida and Miggy with their families tell us one thing: the world may fall to pieces, but if you have a loving family, all will be all right.

The ball of making things right is now on Miggy's court. He begins by approaching his half-brother (Rowell Santiago), the head of Montenegro Industries. He humbly asks him to take him under his wing. A handshake and a brotherly hug seal the deal - as if to say let bygones be bygones, let's start over.

With Miggy's family issues resolved, one more thing is left to amend - his relationship with Laida. He cooks up an elaborate serenade/apology for Laida. Laida is not moved. Miggy begs her fervently to give him another chance and asks her not to give up on him, he is after all just realizing that love can be unconditional, that he is a work in progress. Laida finally lets her guard down and takes him back with open arms.

Thus ends the film, with the happy couple, laughing and hugging in the rain...

Baduy lang, they didn't kiss...what's a love story without a good snog?

Anyway. Now, my thoughts.

It was well-written, well-cast, well-played out. Raz Sobida Dela Torre captured real-life conversations and expressions and translated them into a witty and believable screenplay.Of course, it wouldn't be a Pinoy movie without the slightly poetic discourse and confrontations, and these are written with such finesse that I wish people really said them in real life.

Miggy (to a tearful Laida) : Maawa ka nga sa sarili mo. Itigil mo na yan. Mapapagod ka lang. Mapapagod ka lang maghintay. Mapapagod ka lang umasang mamahalin ka.

Laida : Kahit minsan, hindi ko naramdamang nakakapagod kang mahalin...Ngayon lang.

O diba? Lupet.

The supporting characters did splendidly. My personal favorites were Matet de Leon and Gio Alvarez who played the roles of Laida's colleagues. I also liked Rowell Santiago in the role of Miggy's older half-brother.

Like I said earlier, this is more than your typical boy-meets-girl story. The thing about watching a film over and over is that you get to peel the layers and retrieve insights that you would not have otherwise been apparent on the initial viewing.

I was figuring out at how Miggy's attraction to Laida evolved. Throughout the movie, Laida displays efficiency and industriousness in her job - impressive qualities to a boss - as well as a pleasant vibe and motherly concern for her colleagues, which is another plus. Miggy observes all these and his expression shows that he is mildly baffled? puzzled? at this upbeat creature who leaves post-it notes with encouraging messages on his coffee cup. It could be that he was intrigued and drawn to Laida's generosity of spirit and compassion - so very different from the emotional stinginess he's accustomed to. Somehow, Laida's persistent goodness managed to tug at his creaky heartstrings.

Beneath the snappy storytelling and screenplay, beneath the enviable chemistry between Laida and Miggy, I saw this: inside of us resides a Miggy and a Laida. The Miggy in us is that part which is hungry for affection but unwilling to open up for fear of getting hurt. It's that part which has been battered and bruised by past experiences and defends itself from pain by closing up and not letting anyone in. The Laida in us is that part which is optimistic and giving, the part which has a capacity to love beyond flaws and undesirable circumstances.

When it comes to loving, the Laida and the Miggy in us are constantly grappling and struggling. We are constantly wrestling between giving and holding back, between believing in goodness and being skeptical, between self-worth and self-pity, between forgiveness and holding a grudge. The question is, who prevails?

Call me idealistic, but I believe that our inner Laidas should come through when it comes to loving. There's more than enough love to go around, why be stingy with it?

"All is fair in love and war."

2008-12-23T20:45:00.000+08:00

People,I want to hear from you.Could you explain this statement?

Tsk.

2008-12-20T16:51:00.000+08:00

Alam mo yung may gustong-gusto ka at maya't maya'y yun at yun lang iniisip mo? Yun bang di mo matatanggap kung sakaling di mapapasaiyo?Yung tipong hahamakin mo ang lahat,makamit mo lang?Di mo rin masasabi kung ikabubuti o ikaliligaya mo talaga kung nakuha mo na.Basta sigurado ka,gusto mo.Ganon.Bihira lang to mangyari.Kaya bahala na si Batman,fight ang lola mo.Ü

Should've Been Home an Hour Ago

2008-12-19T19:05:00.000+08:00

If the next President of this country includes improving the transportation system in Manila as one of his/her agenda,he/she has my vote.

Nobody Asks For Your Address Anymore

2008-12-19T04:33:00.000+08:00

I was browsing through the Gifts section at Powerbooks Greenbelt and on one of the shelves,I saw a bunch of nifty Address Books on display.Address Books.Who in this day and age of SMS and e-mail still uses Address Books? I remember a time when I used to have one.It was the size of a small pocketbook,hardbound and lilac,with a printed painting of a little girl bent over a vase of roses.It had those tabs on the edges which organized contacts alphabetically and made it convenient to locate names and phone numbers when needed. I remember being meticulous about writing in that address book with a felt-tip pen, making sure my penmanship was clear. I still have that address book now,its pages yellowed with age and dust. It has of course been out of commission since I graduated from high school. Back then, I wrote down complete home addresses and/or home phone numbers. Today all my personal and business contacts are stored in a virtual phonebook.Alphabetically arranged and contact numbers keyed in eleven digits. A sense of nostalgia came upon me as I skimmed through the blank lined pages of those address books on the shelf. I wondered,who would get one of these? Nobody asks for your address anymore. Not your postal address at least. Which brings me to letter-writing. I can't remember the last time I wrote a handwritten letter and sent it via snail mail. Probably around the same time my address book was still in use. Today, we log into our e-mail accounts,compose,type in recepient's e-mail address and press Send. I wonder how the stationery industry is doing in this day and age of e-mail and paperless offices. It's extremely convenient, fast and less destructive to rainforests and getting virtual letters are great. However, there's a different thrill to seeing an envelope addressed to you from a loved one, tearing it open and unfolding the handwritten letter it contains. It's so personal and...soulful. Letter-writing is becoming a lost practice.It used to be that you gathered experiences and stories and wrote about them to friends faraway.Now you can give them blow-by-blow accounts as life happens to you or soon thereafter. Modern technology has done so much to keep us connected and that is just awesome. But there's nothing like the human touch - be it in the form of a hug or a handwritten note.

Patterns

2008-12-18T18:59:00.000+08:00

8- Total number of objects of affection.

THE PROFILE: The Johnny Depp Archetype

5 out of 8 of said crushes can be categorically defined as 'bad boys'.
5 out of 8 smoke.
2 out 8 sport tattoos.
2 out of 8 are musically inclined. 1 was a vocalist, the other a bassist.

THE PAST: The Girl Before They Meet The One

4 out of 8 are all but remnants of the past - memories.
2 out of 8 evolved into relationships, which broke down, and both of them ended up marrying the woman they got together with after me.
1 out of 8 was the filler between the aforemetioned 2. He too ended up with someone else after me. They're still together.

THE PRESENT: The Unattainable Ones (It's Never Going To Happen)

3 out of 8 are current and ongoing. Each with varying degrees of intensity.
2 out of 8 are very recent additions and are officially off the market.
1 out of 8 is not as recent. Also officially off the market.

THE FUTURE: ...

Object of Affection # 9 is still unnamed. Where, when and how I will meet him remains to be seen.

I'm fervently hoping that my 'patterns' don't take effect.

Oh, except for the Johnny Depp Archetype. I think I'll always have a weakness for those. :-)

Questions in My Hung-Over Head

2008-12-13T06:03:00.000+08:00

How badly must you want something for it to happen? Does the Universe really conspire to give you the desires of your heart? Or is it a matter of luck and strategy?Why do we want the things we want?Why do we always want more?Why is contentment so elusive?

On Twilight

2008-12-08T17:59:00.000+08:00

Verdict is in. The novel-turned-film about the young lass who falls in love with a good-looking vampire? I liked it.

Granted, some lines that seemed romantic on paper, when translated to the screen, ilicited an inner cringe. I suppose some are better left read than heard. Nevertheless, one must put the dialogue in the context of a twisted fairy tale set in modern times - conversations will be surreal.

In any case, I liked it. The Bella-Edward dynamic resonated with certain, um, personal experiences.

Like Bella, I am also attracted to the striking outsider. The one who won't blend in. The one who is the opposite of he boy-next-door. The boy with the hidden pain.

And it seems I'm also drawn to the bloodsuckers. (The figurative kind.) That's another entry altogether.

But also, on an existential level, I think Bella represents that part of me that feels...what is it...hollow? numb? and aches to be filled, awakened. Edward's appearance jolted her awake from her cold and stoic stupor and she was consumed by it. It brought her pain, and her death almost, and yet she had never been so ALIVE.

It's been a while since I've been consumed. By anyone or anything for that matter.

And So Why Do We Do This Again?

2008-12-06T07:44:00.000+08:00

A glorious sunrise. Mountaintops surrounded by clouds. Everything bathed in a beautiful sun-kissed glow. A feeling of awe and indescribable peace as one marveled at the beauty of creation.

That's how I imagined it to be, weeks before we embarked on a trek to the 2nd (or is it 3rd?) highest peak in the country.

But no. At the peak, it was fog and mist. And ice cold rain. Everything was enveloped in a dreary gray fog. So much for the view. It didn't help that we had to endure a sleepless night inside a dripping tent.

The wind and rain lashed through the four layers of clothing I had on. They pounded on us relentlessly as we broke camp and descended. The weather only started to clear when we were near the end of the trail.

Sigh. Needless to say, there was no feeling of awe. More like aw crap.we went all the way up for this? it's so damn cold let's get outta here...

Disappointing as the climb was, I could not have chosen to spend my weekend any other way. Here are some things that made it all worthwhile:

1) Meeting new people. Benny, Allan, Trinka and Katja. A lovely bunch. As Verchie's tag-alongs, they were quite easy-going and fun to be with.

2) Being with kindred spirits. Winna, Bj and Isbel. Fellow lovers of the mountain.

3) The simple meals that tasted 20 times better on a higher altitude. Best adobo and hotdog and Tasty bread ever!

4) Being with familiar friendly faces. Hello EMC!

5) Rain or no rain, it's still Mt. Pulag, baby!

As with any climb, what makes it great besides the actual exercise of climbing, is the company. On this particular trip, I can definitely say that the company made up for the less than stellar experience on top.

As I unpacked my backpack and cleaned up after the trip, I felt exhausted. But it wasn't the kind you felt after surviving another toxic day at work and traveling through rush hour traffic in the city. It was a happy tiredness. My body was tired. But my mind was refreshed.

And so now I remember why I climb mountains.

Random Thoughts

2008-11-19T03:13:00.000+08:00

8:13 AM In the greater scheme of things, what really matters?

Untitled

2008-11-18T19:25:00.000+08:00

People close to me will agree. I am a fearless creature, bordering on reckless.

I learned to surf with only mediocre swimming skills and a smoker's lungs at that.
I have a penchant for confessing my attraction to the objects of my affection.
I take public transportation to places with all but vague directions and little geographical knowledge.
I once wrote a note to a complete stranger, asking for him for his name (and with my number scribbled on it.)
When I was just learning to drive, I snuck the car out and hit a potted plant as I struggled to ease out of our parking space.
I've kissed on first dates.
I commute in high heels.
Recently, I cut my hair short.

Thing is, I have no qualms about asking a guy I like to see a movie with me or taking up a seemingly risky sport. However, I still find it difficult to say my piece at a staff meeting or to a questionable imposition by my superiors.

If only I could be as fearless in the boardroom as I am elsewhere in life.

Some Thoughts Before I Call It A Night

2008-11-04T18:40:00.000+08:00

I have a really high threshold for discomfort and pain. I've stayed in unhealthy relationships longer than I should. I rarely cry at sad movies. I commute in high heels.

Perhaps this is why I've decided to stay put. This has got to be the toughest year for us by far. Personally, I'm feeling the crunch - not just financially, but emotionally as well.

I have the option to go. (We all do.) But I choose to stay and ride out this wave. I haven't lost all hope.

It Was No 10K, But It Sure Rocked

2008-11-03T18:08:00.000+08:00

I ran.

Around the football field, past that big college hall with the university's emblem on it, along the road that leads to Katipunan Avenue, along Bellarmine Field, past the parking lot and back again. I ran on a muggy evening and sweat formed as soon as I broke into a steady jog. It jolted my cardiovascular system awake. I didn't think my lungs and heart could take that route without breaking into a walk, but they did.

My favorite part? That point when you get your rhythm down,and your breathing and your feet and your mind become one.

A memorable line from one of my favorite novels, The Solitaire Mystery is, "When you want to find yourself, stay where you are." I agree. However, it could also be said that when you want to find yourself, RUN. As in take up your shoes, find an open road, and RUN. Running, I'm beginning to see, can clear your head and give you a renewed sense of la vie. Could be the endorphins at work. Doesn't matter. What I know is after running, I felt happier, more at peace, less agitated. Which is more than I can say for a smoke. (Not that I'm quitting. Yet.)

Let's see how far this will go.

I'm adding running shoes to my wish list this Christmas :-)

(Special thanks to Wins and Tala, running aficionados.My primary influences.And Ninoy, my bro and running partner.)

When Your Own Words Fail...

2008-10-16T17:30:00.000+08:00

...take someone else's. Here's something that sums up my state of being at the moment.From Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much: "Each of us is a cosmos unto ourselves.When we are living our lives fully,we are separate persons and we are also one with the universe.We are ourselves with our boundaries,and we are also connected with all things. Luckily,we are not really asked to live any one else's life.All we have to do is live our own,and that seems to be quite enough for us. When we live life fully,we allow ourselves to taste the range of our experiences.We see what we see,feel what we feel,and know what we know.We accept every opportunity to live out of our own souls. Luckily,living life fully is not a task.It is an opportunity."

This Must Be Love

2008-09-28T18:12:00.000+08:00

Let me tell you about my weekend.

Hassle no. 1: Very rocky assault.

Hassle no. 2: Cold and rainy weather.

Hassle no. 3: Muddy, muddy, muddy campsite!

Hassle no. 4: Rainy night, no ground sheet. Dampness seeping through sides of tent as we slept (or tried to sleep). Result: roughly 2 hours of sleep.

Hassle no. 5: Steep descent on shaky knees ( due to only roughly 2 hours of sleep!)

This was by far, the most unpleasant climb I've ever been on.

I can't wait to go again.

Brain Chopseuy

2008-09-25T20:56:00.000+08:00

Ah. So many thoughts. An attempt to put some semblance of order:

1. Working in beauty retail. A challenge. But it's fun. I'm a big beauty nut. I used to think it was vanity. However, I'd like to quote the wife of an infamous dictator, "Beauty is a discipline." Agree.

2. Nicotine. Ayayay. My weakness. I say I'll quit eventually. But why not now? Seriously, why not?

3. Needs. The carnal kind.

4. Diving. Can't wait to go again!

5. Cagayan de Oro. One week to go, baby.

6. THAT guy.

7. Money. Where'd it all go? Oh right. Diving. And Nicotine. And soon Cagayan de Oro.

8. Mt. Cristobal this weekend. Rain, rain, go away!

9. Marketing Plan. Wins, I need to talk to you about this :-)

10. Sleep. It's almost 1 a.m. and I have to wake up at six.

11. Midnight snack before sleeping? Bad for digestion, but what the hey.

Quit Making Excuses

2008-08-25T04:15:00.000+08:00

Marianne Williamson once said: Our deepest fear is not that we're inadequate.Our deepest fear is that we're powerful beyond all measure.It is our light,not our darkness that most frightens us.We ask ourselves,Who am I to be brilliant,gorgeous,talented and fabulous?Actually,who are you not to be?You are a child of God.Your playing small doesn't serve the world .

It takes guts, courage,a considerable amount of risk-taking and a certain degree of self-knowledge and self-esteem to embrace one's power and potential. I believe that each of us has a mission, a reason for being. This mission is personal and unique - dictated by our circumstances, choices, passions and heartsongs. It is that which we are naturally inclined to do, that which we do best, that which brings us joy. But most importantly, it serves a greater purpose beyond personal gain. In other words, it adds value to the lives of the people around us.

This came to me recently: People in my age-range are restless - seeking that elusive sense of fulfillment. We pursue lucrative and meaningful career paths. We seek intimate and consummate relationships. We travel and explore. We take up hobbies and extreme sports. All in the hope of living a life extraordinary.

I believe that the physical and emotional wanderlust of this generation has the power to make the world a better place. If we can direct all this energy to the causes that matter - preserving the environment, responsible sexuality, ethical business practice, nation-building, poverty and illiteracy- imagine the difference we could make.

They say that youth is wasted on the young. I disagree. For I know several young individuals and groups who devote their time, energy and financial resources to the causes mentioned above. I commend them for this. I am inspired by them!

I work in the retail industry. It is a field driven by capitalism and profit. However there does exist a business model which promotes profitability and social responsibility. I strongly feel that this is where my personal mission comes in.

It's time to quit making excuses and stop playing small. It's time to embrace the light.

Emo...powered by sugar and caffeine

2008-08-07T21:10:00.001+08:00

Krispy Kreme doughnuts and brewed coffee three hours before bed time - bad idea. Especially when you have to be at work at 8 am the next morning.

Andito na 'ko. Might as well let it flow.

So. It's been a year. Almost. Tears have flowed and the people who matter have caught the drops and wiped them on their sleeves. I've been comforted and affirmed over cups of coffee and tasty brunches, through warm hugs, shared laughter and kind words. I've prayed, journalled, mani-pedied, coiffed, retail-therapied myself to healing. Dr. Time did his job well and has left but a scar.

It's just a shame though, that we had to disconnect totally. Or that he chose to do so. But people have their reasons. Perhaps sometimes, the best way to be there for someone is to, well, not be.

He is now a husband and a father, and so very deeply in love with his wife, his daughter, his life. Knowing this doesn't have me doing cartwheels. Nor does it want to make me shoot myself. I'm entitled to ache a little, but then that's that. As the cliche goes, life goes on.

And so, on I live.

Bottomline: I loved, I lost, I learn.

Regrets? None whatsoever.

Untitled

2008-08-05T14:04:00.000+08:00

Play me a sad song because
That’s what I want to hear.
I want you to make me cry.
I want to remember the places that we left,
Lost to the mists of time.

I know that you’ll go soon.
You’ll find out so take me with you always.

On buses that move through the night
We sleep on and on.
We got off at Memphis, black-top heat will make us thirsty.
We’ll never get sick anymore.

- Sad Song, Au Revoir Simone

Let It Out - Starrfadu

2008-07-30T19:33:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTbJenSHxg0&NR=1

Do you want to lay your head on my shoulder?
I don't mind if you cry.
Sometimes we all just need to let it out.
Just let your tears run down my arm,
so I can keep them in a blue jar.
We'll drink them later, so just let it out.
Let's take a walk just to clear our heads.
I don't mind that you're holding my hand.
You say you love me, so just let it out.
Your smile is a pleasant change from before,
when you thought that you couldn't take anymore.
Sometimes we all just need to let it out

Quarter Life Crisis Cliché

2008-07-14T20:50:00.000+08:00

"Cause I wonder sometimes About the outcome Of a still verdictless life Am I living it right?" -John Mayer,Why Georgia

What I Did on Pasig Day

2008-07-02T19:52:00.000+08:00

I started reading Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat Pray Love this morning and as of press time, I'm three-fourths done. And you know that means it's a compelling peace of literature.

Eat Pray Love is Gilbert's memoir of her self-discovery pilgrimage to Italy, India and Indonesia, following a failed marriage and a tumultuous on and off love affair thereafter. Her writing style is humorous and candid - even as she writes about depression and divorce -it's like reading the personal travel journal of a good friend. Camille, my officemate, I found out has a copy but has yet to go beyond the first few pages. Her reason being that she couldn't quite relate to it yet.

I could. Although I'm not a thirtysomething writer who is picking up the pieces of a shattered charmed life - I share Gilbert's desire to attain self-actualization and inner peace. Not that I'm in some kind of existential crisis. But lately, I've been having these bouts of restlessness in the midst of a steady and comfortable life. There's a nagging voice that keeps saying, "This isn't all there is to life. It's a bigger world out there."

Perhaps this is why I love going to the beach and I've started to love climbing mountains and recently decided to take up openwater diving. In the great outdoors, you are in touch with the majesty of creation and for a moment the world of deadlines and quotas and performance appraisals and bundy clocks melts away. All there is is the glimmer of the setting sun on the waves gently nudging the sand. The coolness of an evening breeze on the summit. The tranquility of the sea and its creatures from beneath. And you feel so ALIVE.

Then you come back feeling refreshed, with a renewed vigor to face the world of deadlines and bundy clocks. This keeps you going for a while until the routine depletes you again. Not to worry. There's always the next adventure.

The Burning Question is

2008-06-04T19:47:00.000+08:00

Why do we back to the habits we want to break?

This Song Will Forever Remind Me of Martin and Denise's Wedding

2008-05-25T17:44:00.000+08:00

May 17, 2008. You could feel the love. Between the couple. For the couple.

As pre-nup, wedding preparations and actual wedding ceremonies were flashed on the screen, this song served as the perfect soundtrack.

To my dear friends, Denise and Marto, cheers! Wishing you a life of bliss :-)

"Stolen"
- Dashboard Confessional

We watch the season pull up its own stakes
And catch the last weekend of the last week
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced,
Another sun soaked season fades away

You have stolen my heart

Invitation only, grand farewells
Crash the best one, of the best ones
Clear liquor and cloudy eyed, too early to say goodnight

You have stolen my heart

And from the ballroom floor we are in celebration
One good stretch before our hibernation
Our dreams assured and we all, will sleep well

You have stolen
You have stolen my heart

I watch you spin around in your highest heels
You are the best one, of the best ones
We all look like we feel

You have stolen my
You have stolen my heart

...Constipated...

2008-05-19T20:13:00.000+08:00

I've gotten a little rusty at this. But I must write something tonight...

But what about?

Filter. Filter. Filter.

The truth? I feel __________ . And ____________. And I wish ____________.

I hesitate to fill in the blanks because it's Too sappy. Too cliche. Too inane. Too honest. Too emo.

I know it shouldn't be a big deal. It's not like I force people to read what I write. But still.

Also, I've begun to feel that perhaps these things are better shared face to face with intimate friends.

On the other hand, there's a part of me that wants to see my innermost thoughts on paper. Even if it is only virtual. Egotistic, maybe. But ultimately, cathartic.

Problem is I haven't written in so long. I've pressed backspace so many times on this entry. It just feels...constipated.

Maybe tomorrow, I'll write more. And I won't care if it's too sappy, too cliche, too inane or too emo. As long as it's real. As long as it's ME.

At least, I got something started tonight.

Aw man.

2008-05-19T19:06:00.000+08:00

I thought I had it. But I lost it.

Damn.

Song that Play In My Head

2008-04-21T18:21:00.000+08:00

I pick Sarah McLachlan :-)

1. Are you male or female?

I could be a Mary or an Adia.

2. Describe yourself:

A Train Wreck most of the time. On rare occasions, Full of Grace.

3.What do people feel when they're around you?

Comfortable enough to share theire Dirty Little Secret(s).

4.How would you describe your previous relationship?

Started out as a Sweet Surrender...and well, you know the rest.

5.Describe your current relationship.

I don't have an Answer to that.

6.Where would you want to be now?

Actually, I'm fine where I am. Don't need to be Elsewhere.

7.How do you feel about love?

Definitely better than Ice Cream.

8.What's your life like?

No Fear and no regrets.

9.What would you ask for if you had only one wish?

10. Say something wise:

My Trip To the Beach Put Me In This Mood

2008-04-08T20:29:00.000+08:00

Anawangin Island in Zambales is now officially on my 'favorite places in the world list'. This list includes:

the company of friends
the backseat of a car en route to the beach
underneath a blanket of stars
the arms of a significant other
the company of a child
on top of a mountain

*
My life, thus far, has not exactly been virtuous and ideal. But given the chance, I would choose to change nothing. All I'm feeling now is no regrets, serenity and peace. Not to say that I don't yearn for the things that your average twenty-something craves for - the dream job, stable finances, intimacy, mobility, self-control - these are all in working progress. But right now, I have everything that I need - my family, my dear dear friends, my health, my sanity, my optimism, my faith.

To Him who created me and gave me life, I am eternally grateful.

*

Untitled

2008-04-03T19:57:00.000+08:00

Making a Difference.

We hear it all the time. But what does it mean?

It's the common tagline for campaigns and causes - those that aim to uplift or help a social ill or people in need.

The word "Difference" can be defined in three ways.

Difference as DISPARITY: To make a difference means to be in contrast, to be diverse and divergent. When a retail company chooses to engage in fair trade with poor communities instead of doing business the easier way - that's being contradictory, that's making a difference.

Difference as DISPUTE: When you go against the flow, you're likely to have an unpleasant encounter along the way. It's inevitable. Not everyone is comfortable with change and they will fight it as much as they can. It is but human nature.

So why create dispute and disparity when it brings discomfort and disagreement?

Because making a Difference means CHANGE. To make a difference means to transform and modify, to take one thing and mold it into something else. When an organization takes in a battered wife whose emotional wounds can cripple more than the physical beatings and helps her find her self-respect and worth again - that's making a change, that's making a difference.

When a store attendant shifts from sales talk to actually listening to the customer's needs, that's a paradigm shift, that's making a difference.

When an officer takes the initiative and offers suggestions to her manager instead of waiting for delegation, that's going against the flow. That's making a difference.

Still.Why do it?

For some people, it's the ony way to live.