In the midst of the busy-ness of preparing for training sessions and editing and revising modules, I found myself stopping and wondering, "Am I really doing something of value? How is this making a difference?"
I was inclined to think that the answer was No. All I could see was the disparity between what I say in my sessions and the reality of the workplace. All I could feel was disappointment and disillusionment at certain authority figures whose brand of leadership fail to inspire and enlighten. The fact that I spend a majority of my waking hours in these conditions really bummed me out for the rest of the day.
What am I looking for? Why this recurring sadness?
I think at the very core is a disconnect between my authentic self and my work. Skills-wise, I am perfect for this job. Fire-in-the-belly-wise? I am not so sure.
Burdened by the weight of my sadness, I turned to friends who offered me words of consolation.
1) Hold on to the things that make you feel happy at work.
2) Count your blessings.
3) Know that you are EXACTLY where you are supposed to be.
1) Plough on. It will go away.
2) Give yourself something to dream of, or build up. Take on a project!
P. said she was glad that I:
1) Always have the drive to contribute to the value of the company
2) Frame and re-frame and remain strong even with recurring issues.
Thank you, my lovely soul sisters. :)
Today, I am feeling much better. At the end of the day, it's not what I do but who I become that will determine my happiness. This recurring sadness will not get the best of me and break my spirit. I will embrace it, not escape it. It has lessons to teach, and I believe it will ultimately lead me to things that will make my heart sing.