Question

If you are male, artistic, play an instrument or are a fan of music, sport a tattoo, are anti-establishment, can get a conversation going for hours on end, are a smooth talker and an even smoother lover and your last relationship was a passionate and tumultuous one, chances are I'll want you. Chances are you'll gravitate to me and find comfort in my sweet and sincere presence.

This is my pattern. I seem to be smitten by guys who rocked and rolled. They looked the part too. X had a shaved head, Y sported a semi-mohawk and Z had a tattoo.

Circumstances found me striking a friendship with each of them. I'm a sucker for conversation and they sucked me in with their wit, intelligence and tale-telling abilities.

The transition from friendship to romance was marked by me spilling my guts into a messy and mushy heap. I was never really good at the "I'll-keep-him-guessing" game. I beat all three of them to the confession. The second one was the only time it didn't turn out in my favor. The two that did were bliss. Both did not last, but they were real, intense and passionate encounters which have made my life essentially, richer.

The down side to the pattern: On both occasions, I found myself constantly trying to prove myself worthy of their affections. I suppose because they had it - me - so easy, it didn't take long for them to take me for granted?

A friend once told me that I need to keep a little mystique and mystery. Hold back a little. Maybe she's right.

Ewan. I'm not good at playing the coy game. So I suck at it, does that mean I'm destined to lose?

In Retrospect

This time last week I was up on a mountain.
This time last year I was in a relationship.
You really never know what tomorrow will bring. That's the beauty about living. It takes you places when you let it.

Conversation

Q: How are you feeling now?
A: I don't know. Weird. Restless.Tired. Pensive. Puzzled. A little disturbed.
Q: Why? I thought you were happy the way things are.
A: I'm not saying that I'm sad. Maybe a little disappointed.
Q: Disappointment comes when expectations are unmet. Were you expecting something?
A: Well, no, not really. At least I thought I wasn't. I don't know. It's weird. Two weeks ago I was in a good place. Now, I'm not so sure.
Q: Hmm. Some good things never last.
A: Yeah. I guess after such a high, there's no way to go but down.
Q: So what now?
A: Now? I don't know. I should probably stop overthinking and just roll with this. Whatever this is.
Q: Are there regrets?
A: (Thinking) No. Absolutely not.
Q: Good. Like you always say, you lose more when you hold back. Seize the day, right?
A: Right. Although right now I'm thinking, could those just be justifications for impulsiveness?
Q: Do you think you're impulsive?
A: When it comes to these things, yes.
Q: And? Is that a bad thing?
A: When it comes to these things, yes. And no.
Q: These things?
A: Yeah, these things.
Q: Okay. So why yes?
A: Because life's too short to be emotionally constipated. Sometimes you just gotta take the leap and live a little.
Q: Okay. And why no?
A: Because you end up writing things like this at past 12 in the morning, which isn't a good idea when you have to wake up early for work the next day.
Q: Noted. So in conclusion, anong mas matimbang, yes or no?
A: Knowing myself, I would go for yes.
Q: Shouldn't there be a balance?
A: Ideally, yes. That's what I'm working on.
Q: That's good.
A: I'm feeling a bit better. Sleepy, actually.
Q: O go. Sleep na. Rest that overthinking brain of yours.
A: Will do.

What I Learned on Mt. Gulugod Baboy (October 20 - 21 Climb)

WHAT I LEARNED ON MT. GULUGOD BABOY

First - time climber , yours truly, by the window of our tent.

1. Gulugod Baboy means "pig spine."



2. The best meals are the ones you eat after
a) a two-hour trek and,
b) an hour on the beach

Kahit kaning hilaw at delatang malamig sumasarap pagkatapos ng dalawang oras na paglalakad sa putik, talahib at lamig.

3. Pack at least 3 lightweight bottoms - you never know when you'll end up sliding on your
butt on the trail.


4 Pag zero visibility na, okay lang na di na masyado lumayo sa campsite para mag
wee wee
5. Climbing with friends makes the experience even better.

6. Almusal na kape at tinapay, bundok- style.



7. Want to meet and expand your social circle? Join a climb.

8. Don't scrimp on cold - weather clothing. Kung lamigin ka, pack a scarf, a bonnet, and
extra jacket and socks.


9.Some cows can be hot-tempered. (We had to find an alternative route because a cow kept charging.)


10. The best way to physically step back and see the bigger picture is from a mountain top.

I'd like to give shout-outs to:

Bryan - Selfless leader
CJ - Dependable right -hand man and emphatic Mafia player
Dan - Fellow newbie! This won't be the last!
Daniel - Calm and Collected soul
Miro - Mafia arbitrator extraordinaire
Biboy - Brave soul (hope your arm gets better soon!)
Shengka - Adorable chatterbox and documetator
Ino - Inexhaustible and relentlessly makulit boy
Yvette - Fellow newbie too!
Nes -Big momma of the group
Keith - Funny firefighter

and all the rest of ENCircle Mountaineering Club. You guys rock!

Winna - my "adventure" buddy. You just brought breath of fresh air to a whole new level. Way above sea level, in fact!

Let's Get It On

We're bringing it back and passing it on.

It begins today.

The Ocean - Mae

am i alone in this?
never a night where i can sleep myself till day.
we must try to figure it out, figure it out.
it won't be that easy.
we lost it somehow.

you come over unannounced.
silence broken by your voice in the dark.
i need you here tonight
just like the ocean needs the waves.

oh, the night becomes the space that's somewhere in between
what i feel and what i'm told.
sitting on the shoreline trying to figure it out, figure it out.
to find out the meaning and reach it somehow.

you come over unannounced.
silence broken by your voice in the dark.
i need you here tonight
just like the ocean needs the waves.

fall around me now,
like stars that shine and brighten the way.
i need you here tonight just like this night it needs the rain.
the season has changed.
the wind, it blows colder now, colder now.
the clouds are raised,
the rain it falls harder now, all around.

you come over unannounced.
silence broken by your voice in the dark.
i need you here tonight,
just like the ocean needs the waves.
so fall around me now.
just like stars that shine and brighten the way.
i need you here tonight just like this night it needs the rain.
over unannounced, silence broken by your voice in the dark.
i need you here tonight,
just like the ocean needs the waves.
just like the stars that fall around me now.

Full Circle / My Great Outdoors Week

I believe in keeping my doors open and never saying never. Don't burn your bridges and bless those who've hurt you.

*

My favorite time of the week is Sunday morning. Everyone's home. Breakfast together with the family. Brewed coffee in the pot. The morning papers. Laid-back and easy.

This week is gonna be an adventure. Monday til Wednesday, I'll be at the Pook ni Mariang Makiling in Los Banos, Laguna, along with other Head Office and Operations people to test-drive the Outbound Training program for The Body Shop. I'm part of the Training team, so I know what's in store for the group. It's not gonna be a walk in the park, I tell ya. But it's going to be worth it.

Next on the list, Mt. Galugod, baybee. This one is for purely personal purposes. My breath of fresh air. Literally.

...

Is it possible to be both overanalytic and impulsive?
You know that feeling when you're on the brink of something and you want to stay there and half of you wants to know what's next and the other half doesn't? I'm there.